I have a Purpose Problem!

Oh my! I just realized my last entry was in October. I am useless. Well actually not useless just busy and this is not a priority for me – what am I busy with …. just life!

Anyway maybe this will help - http://www.amyjomartin.com/2012/tedx-innovate-your-life/ Great little video and I felt very much that this could be my problem…. I have no purpose – if I have no purpose how do I know what to do or how to get there….hmmmm 

Its all for the “precocious development of executive function”

So Alan and I are asked quite a lot “what languages do you speak at home….” – As he is Chinese, and people are always expecting that to bring with the ten thousand years of culture….we always respond….”um…. English”…. to which we are then met with….”ooh, but Alan is Chinese, doesn’t he speak Chinese?” and I retort – “are you crazy, my Chinese is better than his….”

And this is actually true since I graduated first class honors in Chinese studies which in itself only means i can order a good round of drinks at the bar and argue with a train conductor quite convincingly. It is also only really good when talking to the hawkers and trying to get a good deal on vegetables.  Really that is the  only time my language is an asset. After so many years of study, I have married into a Chinese family that doesn’t speak mandarin…nevertheless… my Chinese is still BETTER than his, 

Anyway – there seems a lot of debate, probably here more than most places since so many people have a second or even third language. But articles like this put even more pressure on the household.

I mean, as I mother, I would really love to do anything that would ensure “the  precocious development of executive function” – what ever that really means, because it sounds fantastic, but really what I am focused on is loving her.

We do have lots of languages in our household – Ella’s nanny speaks and sings to her in Tagalog. Ella’s grandparents speak Malay to her, and well from today Alan and I are going to both really speak some Mandarin to him but as I posted elsewhere today this is Alan’s view:

Alan  and I have decided we should speak Chinese to Ella. I asked him, “so when is a good time? in the morning?” he looked at me like I was a crazy lady and replied, “when we are drunk. That is the only time either of us are any good at speaking Chinese…..” Poor Ella her parents fail!

 We are going to start tomorrow. Will let you know how we go. Poor Ella. So little and so much potential for confusion.

A moment to recalibrate

So I had a little bit of meltdown on the way to work today. It all just got too much. I dont work on Fridays and sometimes I miss something when I leave on Thursday so the deadline is way past when I come to work on Monday and well then get dumped on.  I know that I will sort that out once I get to the real rhythm of work, mother, wife, friend, life time managemetn (or not!) but I just lost it.

All day I have been feeling like a bad mother for leaving Ella and missing out. And of course feel terrible for letting my team down and not delivering at work. And then since I was upset and stressed, poor husband is the one that asks me “what I can do” and I snark back – NOTHING!

And then this afternoon I read this. Notes from a Dragon Mom http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/16/opinion/sunday/notes-from-a-dragon-mom.html?src=tp and you get a chance to recalibrate your heart and your mind.

I realize how much I have to love. I dont believe it is about being “lucky” as I think the post above doesnt share that. But it is about loving your family for now. It is not about making life better, giving more, it is giving and loving for now.

I am glad I read this today. I will try and remember it tomorrow.

The Girl Effect

I am not sure if it is my hormones or really just that becoming a mother has really had a profound impact on me. Of course it has but even more today as I look at my baby girl, and she at only 10 months has a personality, a voice and an opinion. Looking at her today, makes me think about all the other girls in the world and how they are at her age.

All these girls born, each day are like my daughter, but so many of them will not enjoy the happiness that I hope she will. While I hope that my daughter Ella will grow up healthy and strong, with the opportunity to choose her education, her job and who to marry and when. So many girls do not. I am blogging today to show my support for The Girl Effect as we try to make a difference.

The Girl Effect has had a strong impact on me today, and I am happy that I managed to hear about this camapign today. Please support the girls, so they can support themselves, their families, their sisters, brothers etc.

You can read the other bloggers, joining the campaign here.

We gotta count for something

Sometimes someone shares something with you and just know that it is going to make a difference to you, somehow. Today a colleague shared a link to dooce blog. It is a great blog. I have blog envy. Real big green blog envy.

But that is not what made a difference (though I suspect my real big green blog envy has spurred this entry! TAKE THAT!) but I read through and got directed to Christy Turlington’s organization - Every Mother Counts.

I had read about EMC just after Ella was born. Perhaps it is part of becoming a mother and the overwhelming experience of pregnancy, birth and motherhood, but it has really moved me.

Ella’s birth was long (3 days) but no where along the way was I at risk or in danger and then when things did get a little complicated for Ella the doctor got her out right away. At the time I was upset that I had a C-section etc but really, honestly, feeling bad about that is totally ridiculous because #1 I met the most beautiful wonderful girl, Ella, my daughter #2 we were healthy (maybe that is number 1). Anyway.

Reading the Every Mother Counts, reminds me again, how lucky I am and how much I can do from my comfortable life in a comfortable job to help women become mothers and enjoy the happiness that motherhood gives us all.

I need to remember this and do something about it.

I wish I had read this 8 months ago

Ella is 8 months today. Amazing. I have no idea where the time has gone and how she got so big. Does really go by too fast. I was thinking back to our first month with Ella and how nervous and anxious I was. I was emotional from the disappointment of having a c-section. Irritated by not being so mobile (we live in a 4 story walk up and I was very sore to walk up and down) and then just nervous about the little bundle that needed me so much.

I think only now that we experienced the first tough few weeks (they were wonderful, at least I think they were, as I can hardly remember then!) and are confident caring for our munckin, that I can read this manifesto and know it is absolutely true. Even now I love reading it. 

I wish I had known and believed this before. But then, where would the learning have been?

You can buy the Mums Manifesto from The Smile Collective.

I would find time to talk, but that is when I sleep.

Another pointless survey to tell mothers something all of us feel.  At least all of us are in it together.

I love that their only advice is to “Talk to your partner” – blah, blah. I try that but that is when I am lying down, ready for bed and well slip into my night-time nap.

 

 

So if I had time for that…

ok, I was looking for an article in the latest Oprah magazine where a friend is features (PROMISE) but got distracted by this step by step for a glamourous ponytail. I have to ask. If I had time to do all that, why would I wear a ponytail? I would prepare a superb do, like this

 

Even with my shortish bob cut, tying it back is the option when I can be bothered or dont have enough time to get really ready in the morning. Which is almost everyday, since I am totally uninterested in hair styling. Proof being I have had the same haircut since I was about nine. Bobs are a classic cut! Truly!

Frogs and swimming

I love taking Ella swimming. She loves it. She does a great impression of a frog.

I started to use the lesson plans from USwim .

The modules are easy to follow and it does slow you down, so you dont become some crazy over achieving mother. Well.. actually… Ella was the first in her swim group to go under the water. (Beaming mother smile!)… ha ha! but really all I want is her to feel happy in the water.

I hope I can avoid the panic I experienced during my swim classes at the Y! I still remember the fear of swimming in the deep end… didn’t the teacher know sharks come out of the drain!!!

Poo to you

I just realised that I have really entered an alternative universe. Today I spoke openly to strangers about my daughters poo, or lack there of. Poor poppet is all blocked up. We are all prunes all the time right now… see there I go again. More talk about poo.