So I had a little bit of meltdown on the way to work today. It all just got too much. I dont work on Fridays and sometimes I miss something when I leave on Thursday so the deadline is way past when I come to work on Monday and well then get dumped on. I know that I will sort that out once I get to the real rhythm of work, mother, wife, friend, life time managemetn (or not!) but I just lost it.
All day I have been feeling like a bad mother for leaving Ella and missing out. And of course feel terrible for letting my team down and not delivering at work. And then since I was upset and stressed, poor husband is the one that asks me “what I can do” and I snark back – NOTHING!
And then this afternoon I read this. Notes from a Dragon Mom http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/16/opinion/sunday/notes-from-a-dragon-mom.html?src=tp and you get a chance to recalibrate your heart and your mind.
I realize how much I have to love. I dont believe it is about being “lucky” as I think the post above doesnt share that. But it is about loving your family for now. It is not about making life better, giving more, it is giving and loving for now.
I am glad I read this today. I will try and remember it tomorrow.
Jugglin the multiple roles can have its toll on our lives, especially for parents (both Moms & Dads). We are all striving to make our kids these aces who are perfect and in the process loosing the present. The small joys of seein them laugh, of mis-pronouncing words and in the process creating their own vocabulary or indulging in their insane curiosity in the rush to prepare them for their future can get lost in this pursuit.
And believe me, there is no parent who secretly doesn’t feel guilty for not spending enough time but I have realised by feeling guilty I am not helping myself. So you are not alone (if that helps).
Dont count the moments but rather make the moments count.
Thank you so much. You made me cry! Thank you.